SANTA BANTA SMS
| 1 | Maths teacher was teaching mathematical conversions.. TeacheIf 1000 kgs=ton then 3000 kgs equal how much ?Santa: Ton.! Ton.!Ton.!.. | ||
| 2 | How do you convert a BUS into a female ?? SANTCome late to the bus stop..BUS MISS ho Jaayegi. | ||
| 3 | Why does Sardarji cleans the wall with an EAR BUD?Guess...!sochooo.......KYUNKI.....diwaron ke bhi kaan hote hai.... | ||
| 4 | Sir:Bijli Kaha Se Aati Hai?Banta: Mama K Ghar Se.Sir:Wo Kaise?Bnta: KyuKi Jab B Bijli Jati Hai Papa Kahte Hai Saalo Ne fir kaat di! | ||
| 5 | In a maths eXam everyone was writing except SANTA was dancing. Y..?because someone told him that there is marks for every step | ||
| 6 | Hindi teacher asks:Kaal Kitne prakaar K hote hain?SANTA answers:Local Kaal, STD Kaal, Trunk Kaal, ISD kaal &dfamous "sastria_Kaal" | ||
| 7 | SantaBanta: What is a Sindhi called who falls from : 1st floor - Thadani. 17th floor - Kriplani. 30th floor - Marjani. | ||
| 8 | once SANTA stopped a fight stil he was punished y?coz the fight he stopped was a boxing match | ||
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| 9 | SANTA- I saw my wife going to movie with watchman Friend- Didn't U follow them?SANTA- No yaar, I have already seen that movie..! | ||
| 10 | Santa: Bhaisahab time kya hua?Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!Santa: Subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain. | ||
| 11 | Sardar 1: mene apne bete ka naam america rakha hai.Sardar 2: kyu?Sardar 1: me duniya ko batana chahta hu ki me america ka baap hu...| | ||
| 12 | Sardar watching TV with WifeWife"If Edison wouldn't had invented Power, Wht would U have done?"Sardar"I would have watch TV with candle | ||
| 13 | A sardar had a child aftr 3 mnth of marige.He askd his wife ye 3mnth k bad bacha kaise hua?Wife replied:tmhari shadi ko kitna arsa hua?Srdar:3month.wife:or meri shadi ko.Srdar:3mnthwife:or bacha kitne month k baad.Srdar:3 mnth.Wife:total kitne hue. | ||
| 14 | 1st sardar:yaar tum nay apni biwi ko talaq kyon di?2nd sardar:yaar woh bari character less thi shaadi mujh say aur bacha bhagwan say mangti thi. | ||
| 15 | A sardarji went 2 a STD PCO ISD shop n slapped the operator twice ....guess why? cuz der it was witten...'number dial karne se pehele do lagae'..! |
| 16 | 3pupil were going on motorcycle,policeman give hand to stop.Santa shouted-oye pagal pahle hi 3 baithay tuje kaha baithe ga | ||
| 17 | A girl sitting in examination hall with sardar ji.. Girl- sardarji, mein tumhari nakal marloo..! Sardar- ahoo, tu meri nakal maar lay, fir mein teri asal maarta hu… | ||
| 18 | Santa : People consider me as "God"Banta : How do you know??Santa : When I went to the park today,everybody said, Oh God! Uve come again. | ||
| 19 | Santa-Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta. Frnd-Fir Tune kya kiya? Santa-Mene unse kaha salo 1-1 karke Aao. Frnd-Phir? Santa-Phir kya,Salo ne 1-1 karke dubara Peeta !. | ||
| 20 | Fakir to SANTA ke Padosi ne Pet bhar Ke khana khilaya he, Aap bhi Kuch khilao.SANTA Ye Lo HAJMOLA… | ||
| 21 | SANTA enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly. | ||
| 22 | Sardar after throwing his mobile in wateAa aa upar aa?Frnd: Arre,pani me mobile feka to wo upar kaise aaega?Sardar:Oye, kyun nahi aaega....Dolphin hai jump bhi marega!! | ||
| 23 | A studnt atachd Rs.100 Note 2 his test paper & wrote Re.1 for 1 mark, Sardar was paper checker; He sent him Rs.66 back & wrote-U got 34 mark |
| 24 | A lady was kissing a lion inside a cage in circus.Ring master- Can anyone do it? SANTA:-main aata hun par pehle sher ko to hatao. | ||
| 25 | SANTA witnessed an accident & rushed to assist the driver of a car who's seriously injured. Pulling him out of the wreakage, the driver said with breathing difficulty, "Please..call me..ambulance".SANTA replied "Ok, ok Ambulance . . . ! | ||
| 26 | In a class, teacher asked: If I buy an item@ 12.75 n sell@15.25, it"s loss or profit? SANTA Profit in rupees & loss in paise | ||
| 27 | SANTA sukhe khet mein boat chala raha tha BANTA-aise SARDARO ne hi SARDARO ka naam kharab kiya hai,agar mujhe swimming aati to jakar use bahut marta | ||
| 28 | SANTA g school mein 1 white aur 1 black shoes pehan kar chaly gay principal ne SANTA g ko bolaya or kaha ghar ja k shoes chang kar k ao SANTA g boly koi faeeda nahi sir ghar mein b 1 white or 1 black hi ha | ||
| 29 | Sardar Son: Daddy! My stomach is paining. Sardar:That's because your stomach is empty. Sardarson: Oh! Now I understand Why you always have headache. | ||
| 30 | SANTA Used to go college with his Dog ... After few years he had to go alone why ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? Beacause the Dog GRADUATED. |
| 31 | Pappu: What's the difference between Confidence and Confidential?Santa: U are my son I'm Confident. Ur friend is also my son, that's Confidential. | ||
| 32 | Santa attending a interview in a software company.Interviewer:Do u knw MS Office?SANTA:Give the address.I wll find out where it is | ||
| 33 | How Can U Take d Window Seat From a Santa Going To London..?? Guess.?Ans:Tell Him That d Seats To London Are In d Middle ROW | ||
| 34 | Santa saw a Beautiful Girl,he Went and Kissed her. Girl: "STUPID what r u doing?" Santa: B.Com final year" | ||
| 35 | Teacher :What do u call a person who cannot hear?Sardar:U cn cal him anything ,bcoz he cannot hear! | ||
| 36 | Man:Humare America mein War ho gaya hai Sardar:Humare India mein to roz hi war hota haiMan:wo kaise?Sardar:SomWar, MangalWar, BudhWar..! | ||
| 37 | Sardar:Shirt K Liye Badhiya Kapda Dikhana?SalesMan:PLAIN Me Dikhau?Sardar:Hawai Jahaaz Tak Jaane Ki Kya Jarurat Hai? Yahi Dikha Do na . | ||
| 38 | Shadi me sardar bahut der tak khana kha raha tha.Dusre ne pucha kab tak khaoge?SardaR Main to khud kha kha k thak gayaa hu pr card me likha thaDinne7 to 10pm |
| 39 | Santa Ask Banta: Why R U Watching The Funeral By Binocular. . . ?Banta Replies: Yaar Duur Ka Rishtedaar Tha Bechaara . . | ||
| 40 | Taxi Driver- petrol khatm ho gaya hai. Gadi aage nahi ja sakti.Santa- KOI BAAT NAHI, reverse lelo, vapas ghar chalenge | ||
| 41 | SANTA: Wat is d different between POETRY and ESSAY?BANTA: Any word said by girlfriend is poetry..!Anything said by wife is essay | ||
| 42 | This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him: "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai". Sardarji replies: "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, | ||
| 43 | school me master ji ne santa se poochha: "mujh me koi bhi kami nahi hai, to mujhe aap log kya kehke bulaaoge ??"santa:"kami-na.!!!" | ||
| 44 | Sardar bought a new colour tv and put it in the water!!! why.? Why? Why?To check whether colour goes or not..! | ||
| 45 | Santa always study in front of a mirror because of 3 reasons:1. It helps saving revision time.2. He can keep a watch on himself.3. He likes combined studies |
| 46 | Sardar ka dhaba:Custome Oye sardar teri lassi me makkhi he..Sardar:Oye chupkar Dil bada rakh ye nan hi si jaan teri kitni lassi piyegi | ||
| 47 | santa apne father k samne cigrate p raha thaLogo ne kaha k father k samne cig p rahe ho?Santa bola:Wo mera father h petrol pump nhi | ||
| 48 | Sardar ke dost ne 1 april ko khane pe bulaya, ghar pe TALA tha aur likha tha "bevkuf banaya" sardar ne niche likh diya "HUM AYE HI NAHI | ||
| 49 | Santa was playing chess with his dog..Banta: Yaar, Tumhara kutta to Genius hai !!Santa: Khaak Genius hai, 5 me se 3 game to haar gaya | ||
| 50 | Santa :- jaldi ek cold drink de, ladai hone wali hai.. Shop Keeper :- lo ! Shopkeeper :- jaldi ek or de, ladai hone wali hai... Shopkeeper :- lekin ladai kab hogi... Shopkeeper :-jab tu paise maangega tab | ||
| 51 | Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua? Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga,aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai | ||
| 52 | Santa got an sms from hisgirlfriend...."I MISS YOU"Santa replied..."I Mr. U | ||
| 53 | sardar ji ne apni biwi ko apne dost ke sath dekhaor apnay dost ko goli maar disardar ki biwi boli:-agar aap ka yehi behaiviour raha to 1 dinaap saray dost kho betho gay- |
| 54 | Santa & Lion How can a Santa kill a Lion?Santa thinks & thinks hard... & comes to a conclusion: "I'll drink Poison.. & let the Lion eat me." | ||
| 55 | A man to santa lets to play Chess.Santa: You wait i am bringing my Sport Shoes.... | ||
| 56 | Bus AccidentMan Cryin: "Mera hath katgaya.Bot dukh raha he"Santa:"Abe,chup beth.dekh wo admika gala kat gaya,fir b wo chup-chap pada hena!" | ||
| 57 | Pappu: Dad, main itna jawan kab banunga k main mummy ko bina bataye ghar se bahar ja sakoon.Santa: Beta, itna jawan to aaj tak main bhi nahi hua | ||
| 58 | 2 Sardar Bank Lootney GayMager Gun Ghar Per Bhool GayeLakin Phir Bhi Bank Loot LiyaPta Hai Kaise???Bank Manager Bhi Sardar TahKehne LagaI Trust U....Gun Kal Dikha Jana | ||
| 59 | An ASS,behind another ASS,behind that I,and behind me the whole NATION....A Sardar teaching his children the spelling of ASSASSINATION!!! | ||
| 60 | A Sardar puts lot of lipstick on his forehead..........Why?.....coz....he wants to make up his Mind |
| 61 | While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice board. It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room. Sardar writes under - Let the men Permit to Enter | ||
| 62 | Santa:Tum Kitne Saal se Jalebi Bana Rahe Ho?Halwai:30 Saal Se..!Santa:Badi Sharm Ki Bat heTumse Aaj Tak Jalebi Sidhi Nai Bani.. | ||
| 63 | Sardar:Mera 5saal ka beta pagal hain usne kaamwali ko PREGNANT bana diyaDr.Kaise?Sardar:Pagal ne aalpin se mere sare CONDOM me ched kardiye | ||
| 64 | Sardar1- maine apni BV ko 12th pass karvaya,fir B.A fir M.A aur uski govtJob b lagva di,Ab or kya karu yar?Sardar2-acha sa ladka dekhkar shadi kar de. | ||
| 65 | SANTA Ko Apna Gadha Bechna Tha Unho Ne Apne Ek Dost Ko Letter Likha Agr Tume Kabhi Kisi Gadhe Ki Zroorut Ho To mujhe yad karna. | ||
| 66 | Man: I got a brand new Ford IKON 4 my wife!Santa: Wow! That's an unbelievable exchange offer! | ||
| 67 | Sardar ki maa mar gayi. 1admi-ma mujhe b lejati. 2-4aur bole-ma hume b lejati. Sardar-Chup hojao Saalo,ma kya sumo karke gayi he kya? | ||
| 68 | There was A MIRROR which used to kill LIERS Frnch:I think I Dont Smoke (Killed) Americn:I think I lOVE IRAQ (kILLED) sARDAR:I Think(Killed) |
| 69 | IN KBC Amitabh:In Which State Cauvery Flows?Sardar:Liquid State Audience Clapped Amitabh Stunned Luks Behind ALL were SARDARS!! | ||
| 70 | Santa: Aaj Mera beta first class me aaya..MasteVery gud.. Kisme aaya??Santa: "RAJDHANI EXPRESS TRAIN" me aaya.. | ||
| 71 | Tourist: Whose skeleton is that??Santa: Tipu Sultan's skeleton.Tourist: and smaller skeleton next to it?Santa: Tipu's when he was child.. | ||
| 72 | Ek truck dusre truck ko khinckar le ja rha tha, ye dekkar sardar haskar lotpot hoke gir pada, aur bola ek rassi ka tukda uthakar le jane ke liye 2-2 truck.. | ||
| 73 | Santa 2 Bill Gates:Sir,How is it tht ur name is Gates bt u r selling WINDOWS | ||
| 74 | Santa train ki patri par so gaya..Ek admi bola train ayegi to mar jayega!Santa:Plane upar se gaya kuch nahi hua to train kya chiz he! | ||
| 75 | In A cricket ground.. Security:Cricket match is over now,why r u stil sitting? SardaR koi baat nahi highlight dekhuga |
| 76 | Santa ke ghar sasural wale aye,Biwi ne kaha jao Mehmano ke liye kuch lekar aao...!Santa bahar gaya aur Taxi le kar aa gaya!! | ||
| 77 | Sardar 2 a conductoShould i buy tickets 4 my children?ConductoOnly if they r above 8.SardaThank God., i have only 6 children | ||
| 78 | Santa:Jab tumhari wife gum hui to police ko kyu nahi bataya Banta:Kyuki jab mera scooter gum hua tha to Police walone 15/20 din istemaal karke lautaya tha… | ||
| 79 | Sardar traveling in plane, going 2 BangaloreWhile landing,he shouted"Banglore Banglore"Airhostess:"B silent"Sardr:Ok"anglore anglore | ||
| 80 | santa: yaar kal mene tujhe kitne call kiye, lekin tune phone kyu nahi uthaaya?banta: kyu uthaaun?30 Rs. deke jo gaana lagwaaya hai, wo kya tera baap sunega | ||
| 81 | Santa drives in2 1-way & cross NO ENTRY board. Police: Oye tainu No ENTRY da board dekha nai? Santa" Oye!Mainu lagga film poster hai | ||
| 82 | Santa: Jab mai chota tha,kutub minar se gir gya tha.Banta : fir tu mar gya ya bach gayaSanta : mujhe yad nahi tab mai bahut chota tha | ||
| 83 | Santa: Cheel ko English me Kya Kehte Hai?Banta: Eagle.Santa: Agar cheel bimar ho jaye to?Banpat: Illeagal! (ill-eagle) |
| 84 | Sardar ko ek blank message aaya, phir sardarne usi mobile ko phone karke bola,tumhe malum hai tumhare mobile ka ink khatam ho gayi hai... | ||
| 85 | A Sardar saw a very high BSNL tower & Redlight glowing on d top & said "India is developing fast,see there are traffic signals 4 Aeroplane | ||
| 86 | Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these daysGuess why?because somebody had told him thatit is wrong to sleep with married women | ||
| 87 | Santa's father gave him a gun on wedding night & said: Fire in air if ur wife is virgin, shoot her if not.Santa fired in air 1st night & shot her 2nd night. | ||
| 88 | Sardayaar meri biwi ghar chodkar bhag gai..Mona: tune use pyar se nahi rakha hogaSardanahi yar sagi behan se bhi badhkar rakha tha | ||
| 89 | Santa ji aapko kabhi pyar nahi hua ? santa - o yar hua tha, par wo manti nahi thi, hamesha i love U kheti thi, pata nahi ye ullu ka pattha 'U' kaun tha. | ||
| 90 | Advocate:Talak karvane ke 5000 lagenge...Sardar:Pagal ho,Panditji ne 51 mein shadi karvai thi...Advocate:Dekha saste ka natija!!! |
| 91 | Santa:Ladki ko "I love U" bolne ki sbse achhi jagah?Banta:Mandir Santa:wo kaise?Banta:kyoki waha unhone sandle nahi pahni hoti hai | ||
| 92 | Teacher:Oxygen is must for Breathing . It was discovered in 1773.Sardar:Thank God I was born after that .Pehla Paida hota to mar hi jata | ||
| 93 | Sardar was busy removing a wheel 4m his auto.A man ask sardar Yr u removing a wheel 4m ur auto.sardar :can u read parking for 2 wheeler | ||
| 94 | Santa ka radio kharab hua usne khol k dekha, andar mara CHUHA mila, ye dekh k santa gusse me bola oh ho chalega kaise singer hi mar gaya hai | ||
| 95 | A SARDAR went 2 a BANK 2 open a S.B. A/C.After seein the FormHe had gone to DELHI for filling up U know y?FORM say "FILL UP IN CAPITAL | ||
| 96 | Santa Pilot se head phoneCheen Raha hota hai....Pilot : Yeh Kya kar rahe ho ?Santa: Ticket Hum Dein Aur Gane ( Songs) Tu Akela sune | ||
| 97 | Santa to Banta:10 years AGO when I used to return HOME, my DOG used to GREET of by BARKING & WIFE by KISSING.now they have REVERSED their ROLES. | ||
| 98 | Banta was traveling in an auto with his wife.The driver adjusted the mirror. Banta shouted:U r trying to see my wife, sit back i drive |
| 99 | SANTA car ki battery change karwane gayaMchanic- Sahab, Exide ki daal doon?SNTA- Nahin yaar,dono side ki daal de,warna phir problem hogi | ||
| 100 | Magistrate: How dare u stole that diamond ring frm the jewellers shop.Santa: It was written in Bold letter "DON'T MISS THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.." | ||
| 101 | Sardar:That cow is lovely colour.Farmer:Yes,It's a Jersey.Sardar:Oh,i thought it was its skin! | ||
| 102 | 3sardar bed pr so rhe the ar un tino ko jagh thik se nai ho rahi thi.1srdar bed k niche sone chala gaya.2re srdar ne use kaha"Ab jagah ho gai upr aja" | ||
| 103 | SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.4.Threat:When I am on tour | ||
| 104 | SANTASamose K andar ka masala kha raha tha.BANTA:Yeh kya hai?SANTA:doctor ne mujhe bahar ka khana mana kiya hai! | ||
| 105 | Teacher asked Sardar" If U dial 001 then what will happen?"Sarda"Police Jeep will come, in Reverse Gear… |
| 106 | Santa-Tum Dusaro Se Q Kehte Ho Ki Me Murkh Hu. Banta- Maaf Krna Mujhe Nahi Pata Tha Ki Ye Baat Gupt Rkhni Hai. | ||
| 107 | 1 Ship me 300 Sardar ja rahe the, bina Ship doobe sabhi doob gaye Kaise??Ship band ho gaya our sare Sardar dhakka dene k liye utar gaye | ||
| 108 | Doctor:Bachey ko paani dene se pehle boil ker lena chahiyeSardar:Lekin Janab Boil krne se bacha mar to nahi jayega na! | ||
| 109 | 1 sardar behosh ho gya doc-ye mar gya h, jb usko jlane lage sardar uth k bola- me zinda hu.Sardarni boli:chup tu kya doctr se jyada janta Hai | ||
| 110 | Santa Cigrate P Raha Tha AURAT-Tmhare Maa-Baap Ko Pata He Tm Cigrate Pite Ho? Snta-Kya Apke Husband Ko Pata H Aap Ajnabi Se Baat Krti Ho | ||
| 111 | Santa Bcom Driver of Train D 1st Train Driven by him was 8hrs late bcoz he stoped at every Fatak & ask Amritsar k lia Ahi line jati hai kya | ||
| 112 | Santa in Bio practical exam.Prof: Tell d birds name by seeing its leg.Snta: I don't know.Prof: U faild. Wat's ur name?Snta: C my Leg & TELL...!: | ||
| 113 | Santa har sunday holi khelta tha1 admi ne pucha santa ji aap har sunday holi Q khelte ho ?santa :- OYE, SUNDAY MATLAB HOLI-DAY.. |
| 114 | SaNTA My mobile bill how much? Centre girl: Just dial 123 to know ur current bill. SANTA Stupid,not current bill My mobile bill.. | ||
| 115 | Santa- Maine kabhi bhi shadi nahi karuga aur aur aur Aur Na Hi Apne baccho ko karne Dunga. | ||
| 116 | Teachr 2 Santa: Wht z Numbr "Seven", Even r Odd? . Santa: Even . TchHw can u make seven even? . Santa: Remove d 'S' | ||
| 117 | Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days. Guess why? Becoz somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.. | ||
| 118 | Santa:Judge Sahab,Mujhe Talaq Chahie Pichle 1Saal Se Meri Biwi Ne Mujhse Baat Nahi Ki Judge:1Baar Firse Sochle,Aisi Biwi Kismat Se Mili Hai | ||
| 119 | Sardar was riding a helicopter.Aftr sumtime it crashd! Frnd: What happnd? SardIt was cold at the top so I switchd off d helicopter fan." | ||
| 120 | Santa at petrol Pump-Bhai 1 rs Ka petrol dal de SalesMan:- Itna Sa Dalva kaha Jana Hai? Santa:- jana kaha hai,hum to aise hi piase udate hai |
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